The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
