dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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