Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
