just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
