I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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