3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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