How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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