before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
