This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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