last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
