No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The Olympian is in my bed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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