Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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