Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
