shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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