Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
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I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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