I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
