Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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