You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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