fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.