I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.