and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids