I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.