Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Randomize
Follow @tfln