she was so not down for the gang bang
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
