Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
