you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
