he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
