The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
