i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
