So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
