All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sorry about my life...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
