That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
