You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
