I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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