I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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