You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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