you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
