Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
