So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
