fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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