Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
