Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
