You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
