They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just blew my weed a kiss
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
