alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
