Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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