I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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