just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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