I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
