Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
