he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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