How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
