I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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