to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
