she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
