Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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