Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
