like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
