He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
