is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
worst night to have a conscience
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
