U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
