told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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