Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
