sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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