I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
