No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
