The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
